it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
