1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize