JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my poor anus
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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