Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ladies don't puke and tell
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
