at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
