it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
