Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
