That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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