how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
