Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
