we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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