Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
