I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
