That's intense
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize