at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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