dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
