Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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