dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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