Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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