i jhust puked up my retainher.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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