Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
