I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
