Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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