So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
