Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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