Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
