You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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