My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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