you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
