I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
