My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
