Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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