his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
