i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
