I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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