i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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