a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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