end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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