Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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