Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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