someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
