Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
