i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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