i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
