Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
