I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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