Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
