drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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