How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
