You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
