so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
