Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
