My brain says no but my pants say off.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
