I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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