He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
