I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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