I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
