I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
