she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
