True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
