shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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