I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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