Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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