This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
