I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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