South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
