Is it because I queefed?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
