Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
