Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
