hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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