goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
