You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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