you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
