im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
