The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
