I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
