I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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