Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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