Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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