i need an iv and a liver transplant
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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