nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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