so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize