matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
