I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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