jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
