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There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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