was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
