last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my liver is dry heaving
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
