Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
