I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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