We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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