They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
