Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
