Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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