Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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