the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize