you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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