I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize