just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
